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November 21, 2010
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What is life when it cuts you
Your in pain and you laugh
What is so funny

A knife in the chest lying bleeding
In a pool of blood dripping life
Death is crazy

Insanity reins your mind
Your blind and numb

From lying in the snow
Your a puppet in their control
crows and ravens feed on your soul

Insanity reins your mind
Your blind and numb
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:iconalecwolfe:
'Your a puppet in th[*eir] control' Careful.

I feel the repeat of 'Insanity reins your mind / Your blind and numb' is unnecessary and doesn't add anything to the piece. Perhaps consider removing it to create a more controlled piece.

'Death is crazy' This little line caught my attention but its simplicity. Good work.
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:iconharu01:
~Haru01 Dec 12, 2010  Professional Writer
Thanks for the help.
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:iconalecwolfe:
Very welcome.
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:iconharu01:
~Haru01 Dec 12, 2010  Professional Writer
If you want you can give me more tips to better myself in exchange I can do the same.
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:iconalecwolfe:
I'm always open to feedback on my work and I do actively seek to provide it for others.
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:iconharu01:
~Haru01 Dec 12, 2010  Professional Writer
same here.
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:iconalecwolfe:
Cool beans. I'm sure we'll see a lot more of each other.
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:iconharu01:
~Haru01 Dec 12, 2010  Professional Writer
Yep!!
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:iconsamswimmer:
*Samswimmer Nov 22, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Kind of depressing, but very good!
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:iconharu01:
~Haru01 Nov 22, 2010  Professional Writer
That's what i do.
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